The Tax Poem

I didn’t write this.  I don’t know who did.  It was shared with me in an email by my friend Leo Martinez.  Most people don’t stop to think about all the taxes we pay.  I know I didn’t.

*THE TAX POEM*

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me
to my doom…’

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Are we missing any here?

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the
most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the hell happened? Can you spell ‘politicians?’

Discuss…

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Congress Twitters!

Speaker of the House...Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Congress Twitters! Is that amazing or what?  Our government is twittering! 

“Congressional debates on the House floor? So 2007 (or 1787 for that matter). Earlier this month, Congress witnessed its first Twitter debate, when Speaker Pelosi’s 30 Something Working Group Member Rep. Tim Ryan (@timryan) challenged Rep. John Culberson to a Twitter-off. The Congressmen used Twitter, the micro-blogging site that lets users post 140 character status updates, for a real-time debate from the House floor about gas prices, oil drilling, and extending unemployment insurance for Americans looking for work” (Nancy Pelosi’s newsletter)

What will be next? Will the new President Twitter? Barrack Obama does already! Or maybe it’s someone on his staff, but his name does post regular Twitter updates. Social media is joining the big time! woo!

Zemanta Pixie

UPDATE:  Since I wrote this piece I have seen multiple articles about this including a site collecting support to let Congress Twitter:  http://letourcongresstweet…..  Of course I am now a member!

Product Review ~ Jolly Time Healthy Pop Butter Popcorn

This product review has moved to it’s own blog! Find more at: http://lauralovesbest.com

Pop! Pop! Pop! You listen for the microwave to make it pop and take it out before it stops!

Tonight as my daughter were heading out to watch the Fourth of July fireworks we decided to bring some snacks. I looked in the cupboard and remembered I had bought popcorn last time I was grocery shopping. In looking at all the popcorn it was hard to decide, but I’ve been very commited to health lately, so I decided to try the Jolly Time Healthy Pop Butter.

I popped it in the microwave and let it do it’s thing. It took about 2 minutes. Maybe could have gone a bit longer, but who wants to take the chance that it burns, burnt popcorn is the worst and it takes forever to get the smell out of your house! I was a little nervous to try it because sometimes the diet healthy stuff just doesn’t taste as good.

We drove to find a spot to watch the fireworks and found a place to put our blanket in the grass in between all the other people. Then we were ready to snack. Strangely, my daughter19 insisted on bringing grape jelly to dip the popcorn in. She said my mom, her grandmother, got her started on this odd habit. Funny thing is, I don’t remember my mom ever doing that with me? Oh well. So we broke out the popcorn and grape jelly and gave it a try. It was truly excellent. I didn’t miss anything. I had no idea it was healthy or diet. It was just good popcorn! My daughter19 concurred!

Jolly Time Healthy Pop Butter popcorn is 94% fat free, has 0g trans fat, and has no diacetyl added. I have no freakin idea what diacetyl is, but it doesn’t sound natural and I’m glad it’s NOT in my popcorn. As for calories, I cup of popped popcorn is only 20 calories, so take it from there depending on how many cups you want to eat. I love popcorn and can keep eating and eating it if it’s good, and this was. Especially dipped in grape jelly. Thanks Mom!

Product Review ~ Ghirardelli Brownies

This product review has moved to it’s own blog! Find more at: http://lauralovesbest.com

Mmmm! Chocolately, chewy, caramel-y! The Ghirardelli Chocolate Caramel Turtle Brownies are by far my favorite brownie mix. I have tried them all, but this is truly the best.

The Ghirardelli Chocolate Caramel Turtle Brownies always come out perfect. I love the carmel and the walnuts, they are the perfect touch to their soft cakey chewy brownies.

The brownies are so easy to make, too. I spray the baking pan with Pam. I use an 8 x 8 inch glass baking dish. You take the brownie mix and add water, oil and 1 egg and stir about 40 strokes and pour it in the pan. Then you sqeeze the caramel packet on top of the batter in 5 lines, then for a ripple effect you take a knife and in the opposite direction you run it through the batter in 5 alternating strokes, back and forth. It’s easy but looks quite fancy! My daughter19 was impressed, she said, “Wow! How’d you do that?!”

After dinner tonight my daughter19 said she wished we had some dessert. I said, “I could make some brownies…”. She said, “Yeah! Make brownies!” So I did, and they are delicious.

Next time you want brownies remember these – Ghirardelli Chocolate Caramel Turtle Brownies. Yum!

Product Review ~ Blueberry Muffin Frosted Mini-Wheats

This product review has moved to it’s own blog! Find more at: http://lauralovesbest.com

I haven’t seen them advertised, but then I’m not a BIG tv watcher. I dvr a lot of shows and zip through the commercials, so maybe I’ve missed it. But, as I went shopping on Saturday and strolled down the cereal aisle, there it was! Blueberry Muffin Frosted Mini-Wheats! Now I love blueberries, and blueberry muffins, so I had to try it!

Later that night I had to open up the box and try a few as a snack! Yes! They definitely have that blueberry muffin taste! They made a great crunchy snack. Now I’m eating them with milk. It just adds a creamy milk flavor to the blueberry muffin-ness of them. It slightly dilutes the flavor, but not in a bad way. They soften up in milk but still hold their shape. We all have heard how important fiber is to our diet, how it can lower cholesterol, well Mini-Wheats have plenty of fiber, that’s for sure!

If you are a blueberry fan, you’re going to love Blueberry Muffin Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal. I do! Great for a little snack, great for breakfast! Yummy in your tummy!

Robert Mondavi

Robert Mondavi. I’ve had the pleasure of waiting on him and his wife and they were frequent visitors to the restaurant where I worked. By the time I waited on them he was in a wheelchair, and I never heard him speak. He was still an impressive man.

His wife, Margrit, was adorable! So friendly and charming and gracious! She reminded me a lot of Carol Channing with her wide smile and silver bob.

When the Mondavi’s came in for dinner Robert was wheeled in by a younger man and woman, who left after he was comfortable. Margrit took care of ordering and would attentively feed Robert and give him sips of champagne and wine.

A funny thing was they would usually bring their little white dog in it’s carrier. Dog’s aren’t allowed in restaurants unless they are seeing eye dogs, but what could we say? They are the Mondavi’s. Our Napa Valley royalty! Generally the darling little dog was good and quiet, but occasionally it would bark! All of the staff’s eyes would get big as we hoped that none of the guests complained. Sometimes Margrit would let the dog out and feed it under the table. One night as they were leaving and the younger couple had come to take them home, the man was pushing the wheelchair and the woman was holding the door and the little dog started running around through the center of the restaurant! Finally we shooed it out the door and the Mondavi’s were wisked away in their limosine.

We had a large event where the Mondavi’s were guests. I had to talk with the organizer and let him know that Robert was in a wheelchair as they had made no provisions for that and were unaware. They were under the impression that he was going to be giving a speech as well. I had to let them know that was doubtful unless his condition had changed since last I saw him. Margrit Mondavi had sat at Bouchon Bakery hand painting touches on all the menus as souvenirs for all the guests. They were such a lovely elegant touch. I am pleased to say I snagged one of the leftover menus at the end of the night!

Robert Mondavi died peacefully Friday morning, May 16, 2008 at his family home in Yountville, California at the age of 94. We were getting ready to celebrate his 95 birthday in June at Copia with a big event that included many of the world’s top chefs. The hope was that this event would continue in his memory. And what a memory he left.

Cheers to your memory, Robert Mondavi!

Lost at the State Fair

When I was four or five years old I went to the California State Fair in Sacramento, the state capital(I say this because people who should know that Sacramento is California’s state capital don’t seem to know this. I have had people argue with me, people I thought were intelligent even!) with my parents. I was going to go with my Mom, then decided to go with my Dad, I let go of my Mom’s hand, turned around to go with my Dad, and he was swallowed by the crowd! I turned around to go back with my Mom, and she had disappeared as well! Somehow I found the police or they found me, I can’t remember that part. The police were trying to take me to the police department and I said, “No! No! My parents will find me! We can’t leave!”. And they did. My parents had bought me this huge balloon that was one-of-a-kind. I can vaguely remember it, it was a really big white balloon with red and blue stars on it. Luckily, my parents spotted the balloon and found me with the policemen!

The moral of this story is: buy your kids balloons! Oh, and hold on to their hand tightly in crowds, that too.

Published in: on June 30, 2008 at 8:30 pm  Comments (1)  
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73 Things You Might Not Know About Me…

1. I can dance.
2. I can dance and teach Polynesian dancing. Yes, that means Hawaiian hula, modern and ancient (kahiko), Maori, Tahitian, and a bit of Samoan.
3. I was president of a non-profit organization for 5 years. Ka Ohana O Na Huapala(the family of friends with much love), a non-profit Polynesian cultural group.
4. I love cats, and other animals too, but cats the most.
5. I used to manage a store called Nautilus Tropical Fish and Gifts.
6. I know a lot about taking care of aquariums and the names of most fish.
7. I was beaten up and robbed while working there.
8. I owned my own business for 20 years. I was a Mary Kay Cosmetics Consultant and I had up to seven consultants on my team.
9. I went to Dallas, Texas and Annaheim, California on Mary Kay business trips.
10. I’ve used Mary Kay Cosmetics religiously since I was 19 years old. (Thank you Trudy Ball, now my consultant!)
11. Pink is my favorite color.
12. I collect odd things in pink. I have a pink tool kit and extension cord. I have a large collection of pink depression glass.
13. I know the names of most flowers. I used to be really interested in gardening and read a lot of books. I like planting flowers, gardening.
14. I like to cook and bake.
15. I have over 50 cookbooks. I used to collect them.
16. I used to bake bread from scratch regularly when I was a teenager.
17. When other people wanted to grow up and be doctors and lawyers, I wanted to grow up to be a mom.
18. I took ECE (Early Childhood Education) classes at Fairfield High School to prepare myself to be a mom.
19. I LOVE being a Mom. I believe that I’m not going to be president of the United States, but that the most important thing I’m going to do is be a good parent.
20. I took square dancing lessons as a child.
21. I took bowling lessons as a child.
22. I took swimming lessons as a child.
23. I took ice skating lessons as a child.
24. I took piano lessons as a child.
25. I’m not really good at any of the things I took lessons in as a child.
26. I had a secret code way of writing messages with one of my best friends, Kathy White, in high school. I still remember most of it.
27. I was facinated with witchcraft in junior high school/freshman year of high school.
28. I used to have a palomino pony named Comanche when I was a child and lived up in Issaquah, Washington.
29. We had a creek, May Creek, that ran through our property and I saw salmon spawn.
30. I lived on the side of Tiger Mountain and used to play in the woods.
31. I know how to fish, but I don’t like to eat fish with fins. Yuk!
32. I do like shellfish! Crab, clams, lobster, shrimp, I’m not sure about oysters…I’ve had them smoked and they were good. I’m scared to try them raw.
33. I like to sing. I was in choir through most of grade school and in Acapella in High School. I know the words to a lot of songs.
34. I took knitting lessons at Michael’s Craft Store in Santa Rosa, but I really haven’t practiced. I can crochet a great baby blanket though!
35. I love time travel romance novels. My favorite is Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.
36. I love to read. As a teenager I would read romance novels all night until the sun came up and I had to get ready for school.
37. The guy I was in love with during high school, and sometimes dated, was killed in a car crash during my junior year.
38. I like to take pictures. I’m starting to enjoy photography more and more.
39. I love flowers, I love the colors and the smell.
40. I work for the school district with special ed children, mainly autistic children.
41. A few nights a week I work at a fine dining restaurant, thought right now I’m between jobs.
42. I have two intelligent amazing children, girl -19, and boy – 22, they both still live with me.
43. I had a huge wedding, 500 people, a band, my polynesian group performed, I was married to their father for 13 years, actually maybe it was 15 by the time the divorce was final, but those don’t really count.
44. I am a serial entrepreneur. I have 4 websites planned!
45. My first website is thesmartmomsnetwork.com. I’m on my third developer…
46. In Feb. 2007 I founded and am Senior Partner of RW Investments. I run it non-profit. It is an investment club for women.
47. I’m 4 classes away from getting my AA in Liberal Studies.
48. I graduated from the Sacramento Entrepreneurship Academy (SEA) in 2005.
49. I used to work at Chevy’s Fresh Mex in Fairfield, Villa Romano in Napa, and Julia’s Kitchen in Copia in Napa.
50. My parents live two blocks from me and don’t drive anymore, so I am their chauffeur, and I don’t mind at all! They did it for me, now it’s my turn.
51. I write poetry.
52. I have family on my dad’s side in Washington State, and family on my mom’s side in Tennessee. No other family besides my parents and kids and I here in California.
53. My Dad was in communications with the Air Force for 22 years, he retired when I was five. Then he worked for Boeing making airplanes in Washington, then ended up retiring from the Fairfield Post Office as a mail carrier. My Mom taught kindergarten, worked as a cashier in restaurants, worked in a post office in Alaska, had a business called The Happy Hangers with her friend Cathy Miller where they did wallpapering, then had Mary and Gerry’s Yesteryear Antiques with her friend Mary Miller(not related to Cathy). She retired after working in the office at the mobile home park we live in.
54. When I was married we had two houses, the second one was huge, two story, four bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a huge backyard that we put a barked in play area for the kids with a swingset and fort and playhouse, and a huge fenced in oval doughboy pool. We lost that back to the bank, my ex talked me into declaring bankrupcy right before he asked for a divorce. Now I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home. Just for now. I’ll have a nice cozy house with a fireplace again soon, just wait and see! When all my sites are done on the internet…I’ll be the next big thing!
55. My son started taking college classes in eighth grade. He took Intro to Programming, CIS 1, and Into to Networking. I took all of these classes with him. He also took Fencing, which I didn’t take with him. He was in Acadeca, Academic Decathalon his senior year at Fairfield High School. He went to Europe for three weeks and visited Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and the Czech Republic. He attended the San Francisco Academy of Arts University for one year, and was going to major in Computers, New Media. He wasn’t sure if this was really his life’s passion, so he dropped out to re-evaluate. He’s worked at Hot Topic, H & M, and currently at Barnes and Nobles. He loves to read.
56. My daughter was in Honors and AP classes. She was on the Yearbook Staff as Asst. Editor and formed a Knitting Club. She is attending the local community college completing her general ed. She graduated from the Hex Makeup School with her certificate in Makeup Artistry. She has worked for her father re-stocking at the commisary and currently is working at PVE (Paradise Valley Estates) in food service and freelancing as a makeup artist.
57. I took 3 semesters of Ballroom Dancing.
58. I have no fear of public speaking. None. A stage? A mic? A camera? I’m READY!
59. I’ve never colored my hair.
60. I pull out the gray hairs that show! I may have to start coloring it soon.
61. I have very long natural fingernails, but rarely paint them.
62. For some reason I have scissors in almost every room of my house. I just recently realized I do this!
63. When I was four or five I got lost at the California State Fair.
64. I started talking very early as a child, at 9 months old. Even before I could walk. By the time I was 12 months old I was talking in complete sentences and singing songs.
65. I did some modeling. I modeled shoes for Darlington’s. I modeled for a couple of friends who were photographers. One had an old fashioned photo booth and he used my pics for his display.
66. When I was in high school I volunteered at the S.P.C.A. Sometimes I was there by myself. Sometimes I had to supervise the bad kids who were sent there to do community service. That was a little scary. That’s why I quit.
67. I was in a pageant. I didn’t win but I was a fair hostess for the Solano County Fair.
68. While I was a fair hostess I got to ride in a helicopter!
69. I’ve been on TV! It was a local channel that filmed the school board meeting. The principal at my children’s school asked me to teach some children a Hawaiian song for multicultural week. I had to get up in front of the school board and introduce the children and explain what the song/dance was about. It was fun!
70. Chocolate is my favorite food, especially dark chocolate. Next favorite is Chicken Kiev.
71. I love to exfoliate! Buff, scrub, pumice, loofah…i adore it all!
72. I had viral menengitis when I was three and lived in Goose Bay Labrador. I almost died.
73. I was adopted. (see other post)

Keep to the Right People!

get out of the way!  move to the right and park!Rrrrr! Rrrrrr! Rrrrrrrr! You hear the emergency vehicle noise and you move over to the right and stop. Well that’s what you are supposed to do, but last night as I drove home from Barnes and Nobles not everyone was with the program. All the cars in the right lane where I was pulled over to the right and stopped, but three cars in the left lane pulled to the left and stopped! I was rather incredulous and I’m quite sure the ambulance driver felt the same. The ambulance with sirens screaming had room to go through the middle, but I think he was so annoyed at their lack of protocol that he stopped behind them and waited for them to get a clue and finally move to the right.

Just a reminder, remember and follow your safety rules people! If you hear emergency vehicle sirens, move the the right and park.

Be warned! Next time I’m taking pictures!

Photo credit for the emergency vehicle above goes to my dear friend, the extremely talented photographer – Photos © Frank Lazeski
Anphog@aol.com.

Facebook Geek Girl Dinner


Just to let you know…I started blogging on BlogHer.com. I’m a bit confused on where I want to blog. Bear with me. Or would that be bare with me…yes…that would be it…not the animal…lol…

Okay-to start off with their was no dinner-but there were appetisers. Last night I went to the Bay Area Girl Geek Dinner #2: Sponsored by Facebook. It was held at Ettiquette Lounge in San Francisco. It was such a fun event! To start with I didn’t know if I was geeky enough to go. I mean I blog…I’m starting a website (The Smart Moms Network) but…I’m not the developer. I’ve taken beginning programming and networking but that was as far as I got. I realized it wasn’t my thing. I asked Retro Audrey, one of the event organizers if I would fit in and she said yes, come. I knew a lot of these women were hardcore programmers so I wasn’t sure, but I thought it would be a really interesting event and possibly a good networking opportunity.

I brought along Holly, who is even less geeky than I, but very fun to hang with. We met at the parking lot and walked over. I fell out of the parking lot area and skinned my knee. I had blood dripping down, but somehow my supersonic L’eggs pantyhose escaped without a tear, run or hole!?!

At Ettiquette we were greeted with a red carpet entrance! Upon entering we were given cool name badges and two drink tickets. I was rather impressed that the drink tickets were for anything we wanted, not just cheap beer or wine! Facebook rocks! I had a raspberry mojito and a pandora’s box. Both were excellent! The bartenders at Ettiquette rock, too!

It was a small venue with approximately 200 in attendance, I was told. The panel included:
» Ruchi Sanghvi (Principal Product Manager, Facebook)
» Julie Zhuo (Product Designer, Platform, Facebook)
» Alina Libova (Founder and Developer, Easter Eggs)
» Holly Liu (User Experience and Co-Founder, Watercooler)
» Annie Chang (Co-Founder, LOLapps)

Moderator:
Sandra Liu Huang (Program Manager, Facebook)

Introduction:
Cyan Banister (Founder and Editor-in-Chief, Zivity)

All the women were amazing and accomplished. The sassy and scandalous Cyan Banister(http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/05/29/1938media-interview-with-zivity-cofounder-cyan-banister-guest-appearance-by-scoble-at-end/), co-founder and editor-in-chief at Zivity started us off with her introduction. I had to wonder why Facebook hasn’t hired Alina Libova, a UC Berkeley college student and the founder and developer of the Easter Eggs application? I snagged her email address in case I am in need of her skills someday for one of my websites! There were plenty of women headhunters from Facebook who seemed to be looking to hire. I would LOVE to work for Facebook, but Palo Alto is a bit too far of a drive for me.

The panel spoke about their accomplishments and the challenges and rewards of being a woman in a male dominated field. Listening to Ruchi gave us a taste of what it must have been like to be part of the beginning with Facebook. The women also spoke of the importance of user feedback and how immediate it can be on the internet. User feedback kept Annie Chang busy changing her apps to meet the users wants when she was heavily involved with LOLapps.

Right now I can only imagine how exciting it is to be on the ground floor as a website launches, and to get that user feedback and see your site grow. Soon I won’t have to imagine though, it will be my turn to be part of that as The Smart Moms Network launches, and I can’t wait!

After the panel talks and discussion we broke up for networking. It was a little difficult networking because no one seemed prepared for it. No one had business cards handy. The women speakers in the panel all kept saying that their business cards were in their backpacks in the back. (Apparently hardcore geek girls carry backpacks instead of purses.) Back to the bar for my second drink. Yes, we tipped the bartenders well! There was a spot for Geeky pictures with props, so Holly and I had some fun with some geek glasses. We also enjoyed the appetisers, the wasabi shrimp being my favs. A DJ was on hand through the night, though more for atmosphere than dancing. I recognized Retro Audrey right away from her Facebook photo, it was fun to say hello to her, she said she recognised me too!

To end the night we were presented with schwag!!! Did we get pocket protectors? No! Our schwag included a soft American Apparel lavender w/purple trim T-shirt with the Facebook Developer Garage – Geek Girl Dinner logo and a nifty wifi detector keychain! Retro Audrey was handing them out. After everyone had been through the line there were a few left over and she offered me an extra t-shirt for my daughter! She was a doll!

I can’t wait for their next event! Facebook and the Geek Girls did it high class all the way.

I love being a geek girl! Where’s my backpack!?!

P.S. I ALSO love blog comments! Leave one, please!

photo credits ~ Laura N Holly standing, Laura with another geek girl, Laura and Holly, geek panel from the back of the room photos by Icka Boo. Geek panel speaks, geek panel geeky, geek room, retro audrey, Etiquette, Ettiquette Inside by Vanessa Naylon.